the home-coming

plugged in my ear: 9 crimes by damien rice.

yesterday was a big paradox.
gue main ke IC buat roadshow.. and i was bubbled up with excitement to see friends whom i hadnt met since... dunno, months ago? beneran deh, gue kangen bgt ama beberapa orang, apalagi yang jauh-jauh kuliahnya. Si Indah, Wawa, Caca, Puti, DU... banyak lah pokonya.

eh, ga taunya ga ada bnyk waktu buat ngobrol ama mereka.
kesalahan gue juga sih. gue ga mikir kalo mreka bakal balik sore ato gimana, jadi gue pikir, 'yah ntar malem juga bisa ngobrol ama mereka' trus gue main aja deh ama anak-anak Ascova.
huhu.
blom puas main...

tapi gue sih seneng bgt, seenggaknya gue udah ktemu, saw their well-beings (haha si DU pasang behel juga... brani-braninya dia ngetawain gue pas gue baru pasang behel dulu.. skrg dia ngerasain juga deh penderitaan pake penjara gigi..)... yah gue sih berharap mereka jaga diri baik-baik.
.. terutama si caca. dengan kbiasaan nyetirnya yang kaya orang mabok.
trus pulangnya kan numpang mobil si caca, mampir pancake parlor, nangisin duit yang ambles, trus pulang deh...sambil karaokean di mobil.
gila gue bakal kangen bgt sama yang namanya nyuju bareng.. sendirian tuh garing bgt soalnya. susah sih, bahkan sama si Okky yang kosannya sedeket itu gue blom ksampean juga nyuju brg..
huhu.
sedih.
knapa sih gue mellow bgt soal yg beginian.
anyway, itu bagian senengnya (well ada sedihnya juga sih).
trus bagian sakitnya itu.. mm, i dunno how to put it into words...
gue ktemu si xxx (bukannya jarang ktemu sih, tp gue gak prnah ngobrol sama dia),, trus gue nyadarin sesuatu deh.
i've been knitting my way to him for almost 4 years, and its getting too tiring now.
well maybe i hadnt been able to get to him coz i've got my own phase of denial, but i know it was desperation that i felt yesterday.
rasanya capek capek capek.
gue gak mau lagi kayak gini.

next time i fall for someone, i'll have to remind myself to keep the feeling removable (and bearable) when necessary..